We see red, stores see green
Updated: January 30, 2013 4:16PM
Now, what are we supposed to do?
Christmas is over. So what are we to spend our money on? There has to be something. The economy depends on us frequently being parted from our dough.
But wait, over there on the horizon. That big, red heart. It’s Valentine’s Day, coming into view to help us boost the economy.
Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14, not only is an economic boon — Americans will spend an estimated $17.6 billion — but it is a virtually foolproof way for men to make up for their screw-ups on other holidays and special occasions.
Men sometimes forget things such as birthdays and anniversaries. But Valentine’s Day is big and red and in your face — and it’s the same day for everyone so it’s harder to forget.
Men sometimes give gifts that are less than passionately appreciated — “What’s wrong with steak knives?” Or, “Hey, it’s a top-of-the-line vacuum cleaner ...”
No, it’s apparent even to men that a Valentine’s gift has to be romantic, what men would call useless. Otherwise a lot of women would probably receive that really neat device for removing dead skin from their feet that we keep seeing on TV commercials.
Candy and/or flowers are standard gifts. And dinner out. And maybe a nice card:
“I know Valentine
I’m beneath ya.
But I really love you
more than pizza.”
It takes two to Valentine, though. It’s a fact that men spend more on Valentine’s Day than do women.
So, if for no other reason than to boost the economy, ladies, be nice to the old man on Valentine’s Day:
“Happy Valentine’s Day to my Hubby
Over the years you’ve gotten chubby
But still sometimes you make me glad,
So here’s season four of ‘Breaking Bad.’ ”
Maybe accompanied by a beef sandwich, dipped, sweet and hot.